When Life is Not “Fair”

As you may know, I’ve been spending a lot of my time lately going through notebooks full of wisdom from the Guides. I have piles of them (see above). For years before I started doing readings for other people, I was consulting the Guides privately, asking my own personal questions and getting pages full of answers. It was like having my own posse of spiritual advisors, which was awesome!

Reading through these notebooks now, I am astonished by how universal and relevant the guidance still is, how much bigger than me and my personal stuff it always was. (As a side note, I am really excited to compile that guidance into materials I can share with you, whether it’s in online courses or e-books or video. I will keep you posted!)

In the meantime, I just have to share with you a section I found yesterday, which really caught my breath. It comes from a time in my own life when I was struggling to accept a certain difficult situation that I couldn’t seem to change, no matter what I did. I was frustrated and sad and venting in my notebook. Why does it have to be this way? How do I withstand this? I hate it.

In response, and like they do sometimes, the Guides gave me a bit of a compassionate ass-kicking. It was unequivocal and bracing and it still jumps off the page for me, even today. Because life’s seeming unfairness, whether in our own personal sphere or in the world, is a question that’s always with us, and one that can be pretty difficult to come to terms with.

So here’s a little “tough love” from the Guides, for those times when life is feeling unfair, for whatever reason. I hope it’s as helpful for you as it was for me!




This is the road your soul chose for you. There are no mistakes. There are no errors. Just because you had some other reality in mind doesn’t mean something now is “wrong.” It is not wrong, it is. It is because it is, in other words; it’s meant to be. It is God’s will, it is the soul’s will (or the souls’ will)*.

Your ideas of what you wanted and what you needed were just that, ideas. Your ideas. Not our ideas or God’s ideas. They were, in effect, an invention of your own, a desire you created into a wish and then into a future you somehow believed must come to pass. Because it “should.”

But as you may notice, life does not operate that way. What happens is not very often what we believe “should.” There is not always “justice,” or what we (as humans)** believe justice to be. In fact, it is rarely that way. The scales do not “balance.” Life is not “fair.”

How do we come to terms with that “unfairness” without losing our sense of faith, our sense of hope? It is not easy, but it is necessary, in order to continue to grow and evolve. Too many people fall into despair and cynicism, deciding that because life is not “fair” then there is no God, no purpose, no justice or mercy.

This, while perhaps understandable, is spiritually immature. To insist that life is “fair” is, in effect, to have a spiritual temper tantrum. It is saying, “It must be my way, and if it’s not going to be my way, then I am going to quit, take my toys and go home.” Life requires more of you than that. Cynicism is too easy. Giving up is too easy. They are each a form of pouting, a form of protest, a turning away from life.

The spiritually mature person faces—and even embraces—life as it is. That requires grief. One can’t embrace what is without grieving what has been lost, even if that loss is just of an idea.

So let yourself mourn what you imagined and do not have. This is necessary in order to let go of what is not to be and to come to a greater sense of peace with what is.


A few footnotes:

*the Guides say “the soul’s will, or the souls’ will” to indicate that when it’s a situation involving another person or other people, their souls are willing it, too.

**Sometimes the Guides refer to themselves as “We” with a capital W, to indicate their difference from us. At other times, they use “we” with a lowercase “w,” to mean “all of us,” them and us too. I think they use the lower case “we” here as a gesture of solidarity, as so as not to talk down to us, which they seem loathe to do.




Now, in retrospect, I can say that the Guides’ advice was spot-on. I went through a period of mourning after receiving this guidance. Once I spent time grieving the situation I was struggling with, which was not something I could change, my relationship to it shifted dramatically. I found much more acceptance, gratitude, and peace. Today I wouldn’t change a thing (most of the time, anyway).

This guidance also transformed the way I look at the world beyond my own life. The seeming unfairness of the world is still painful, and even heartbreaking at times. There are times all we can do is grieve, and work toward social justice in whatever way speaks most to us.

But the Guides’ words—the spiritually mature person faces—and even embraces—life as it is—have stuck with me, and ever so slowly changed my life. Today I have a much deeper sense of acceptance even for those things that are truly difficult. More and more, I can feel the sense of being carried along by the Divine, of the soul intelligence behind the unfolding of events, even if they are not always to my liking. And that is truly a gift.



I’d love to hear your comments here or on Facebook, and if you’re looking for more personalized guidance, please check out what I do and even book a reading!

Much LOVE to all of you,

1 Comment

  • Randa Akeia says:

    Greetings Thea,
    Thank you for sharing. This message speaks to me. I can see that I’ve been in rebellion inside myself, bouncing around between human and soul inclinations for these last years, trying to reconcile stuff.
    I’ve just recently had a near death experience that has truly altered me. I had a visitation, a reunion of sorts in the Light, and the JOYOUS frequency of that experience has lifted me. A part of me did die, and I’m so Thankful for that.
    It was those parts of me that existed in fear, pain, and SHAME. I feel odd…, yet stable.
    However, I know it’s part of recognizing this gift I’ve received so deeply. Now its a journey to see what more makes itself known, and how that all shapes up in this up-leveled incarnation of me. Blessings Be Unto To You Thea

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